Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize