i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Naked Twister starts at high noon
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
