every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
