Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
