My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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