I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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