Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize