Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
