I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
