I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
