i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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