Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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