Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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