Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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