I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
