i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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