All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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