I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
