Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
