I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he fucked my hip out of place.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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