I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
