Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just pee around me
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
