mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
