I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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