I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
