she takes plan B like it's going out of style
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
