We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I looked at my own cervix.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
