I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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