i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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