i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
