I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
