The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
This is the high leading the old right now
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
