Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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