What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
