I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
