We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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