wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I enjoy the company of your penis
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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