I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
