i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
