Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
