Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Say something about gay babies.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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