I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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