so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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