I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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