We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
