I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize