What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
