No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
