Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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