tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
