Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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