i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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