I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
