Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
