oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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