all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
