Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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