I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
