I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
