I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
